I’ve arrived in Michigan!!!!! I am beyond excited to see what happens this summer! Since I’ve lived in a small town in Tennessee my whole life, I am excited to travel and explore a new place. Growing up with my grandparents we didn’t really travel much. They’ve never had the desire to travel as much as I have and they really enjoy Bakersville and the community there. I do love it to, and have some amazing friends back home, but I’ve always deep down wanted to see what is outside of my hometown. So when I told my grandparents that I got accepted to a summer retreat in Michigan, they were surprised but supportive of my decision. My best friend Grace on the other hand begged me not to leave her. But, I told her it’s only four weeks and I’ll be back before she knows it. She realized how important it is to me to be here and let me go on the condition that I update her regularly on my life.

So far since I’ve been here everyone has been very welcoming. There are sixteen students from different universities and then the three staff running the program. My roommate, Lana, seems like a very nice girl, but I think she might be going through a hard time right now. She doesn’t really like to talk much. And I didn’t really plan on liking anyone this summer, but I get along really well with one of the guys. His name is Grant and he is from Maine. I doubt anything will happen since we are only here for four weeks, but I think we will at least be good friends. Well it has been a whirlwind so far with all the activities we are doing and I need to get some solid sleep tonight.

I just got off the phone with my Grandpa and he said that my Grandma has been diagnosed with breast cancer. I just got here, and now I feel like I should go home. What was I thinking leaving them for four weeks? I should be at home with them during this time. But, my Grandpa told me that they want me to stay here. They are happy I’m finally doing something I want to do.

Ever since my parents died when I was five they’ve taken care of me and I just feel like I should be there to take care of them. At the same time, it’s hard to think my grandma could die. I just can’t believe this is happening.

…

The staff had us pair of with our roommates and told us to be vulnerable with each other. To tell each other what we are really struggling with. Lana and I went for a walk on one of the trails around the campus.  I feel like we are definitely closer from that time together. I actually feel like I know who she is now, since she would never really talk to me before. I’m glad she could trust me enough to tell me about the pain she is feeling about her break up.

I told her about my grandma. I told her how I feel like I need to act happy all the time so people don’t worry about me. Lana told me it’s okay to admit if I need help sometimes. Life isn’t perfect or easy. There are so many people here who care for me and want to help me through this.

I told Grant about my grandma and he was very supportive about it. It was refreshing to talk to someone who understands losing a loved one. No one really understands what that’s like until they go through it.

From the moment we started talking I knew I wanted him around. There is just something about Grant. I find myself attracted to his kindness and sense of humor. But what if decides we live too far apart and doesn’t pursue me. I really enjoy his company and kind of want to be more than friends, but it’s probably totally unrealistic since we live like fifteen hours away from each other normally.

I just feel like Grant and I are connecting on a deeper level. We are talking about real life struggles constantly on this retreat and it is really starting to bring me closer to the entire group.

The summer has come to an end so quickly. I feel like I just got here. Four weeks doesn’t sound long, but I’ve changed so much in this time. I feel more okay expressing how I really feel and like I don’t always need to perform and act happy for my grandparents. Going home to see my grandma ill will be hard, but I want to spend as much time with her while she’s still here as I can. And Grace is dying to see me! She wants all the details in person when I return. Part of me is happy to go back to Tennessee, but another part wants to stay here.

It’s hard to think what it will be like not seeing Lana every morning. We’ve really grown as friends surprisingly. Then there is Grant. I am going to miss him and getting to be real, but have fun and be silly at the same time with him.