Well I’ve made it to Michigan. I’m not quite sure what I was thinking deciding to come to here when I live in Maine. Somehow it all worked out and it just felt right to come on this retreat, hopefully I won’t regret it. My parents thought that it would be good for me to see a new place and meet new people after everything that’s happened the past few years.

Everyone seems to be really nice so far. The first thing we did was play a video scavenger hunt and we had teams of four. We had to take different videos with people we meet on the streets of Traverse City. For one of them we had to play leapfrog, and a little boy Tommy did it with us. He laughed the whole time. It made me think of my brother Danny. My roommate Ben was on my team and two of the girls, Olivia and Lana.

This might sound a little crazy, but when I meet Olivia there was just a click. It’s hard to explain in words, I just knew she was special. I knew she was someone I wanted to stick around in my life. I knew that I had to keep in touch with her after the summer. I just knew in that moment, I was meeting her for a reason and my life would never be the same. Anyway, I feel like I’m starting to connect with people here and maybe my parents are right; maybe this will be good for me.

I just ran into Olivia and asked her how things are going. She opened up to me and told me that her grandma has been diagnosed with cancer. She was trying to act like she was okay, but I could see that she was holding back her tears. I am normally not the best at trusting other people, but since it related to what she is dealing with I decided to tell her about Danny. I told her how my younger brother died from cancer last year at the age of nine. It wasn’t an easy time. My family was always at the hospital more than we were at home. Danny was a happy kid and always tried to cheer me up when he was the one that was dying. It has been a hard year and I’ve felt like I shouldn’t be happy, how could I be without Danny around.

Olivia also told me that her parents died in a car crash when she was five years old. I couldn’t imagine losing my parents. She has already dealt with so much loss in her life; I don’t understand why her grandma has to be ill as well.

If I’m honest, the past year has been more painful than ever. Losing Danny so soon was unreal. Knowing he had limited time left for a year almost made it harder, since I could walk into that hospital room and he could be gone just like that.

It has been difficult remembering some hard times this past month about my brother. But, I’ve come to realize I shouldn’t just forget about him to try and avoid the pain. I need to cherish his memory and keep his spirit alive in my life by doing things he always enjoyed.

Ben and I went fishing this past Friday. Every time I go fishing I will always remember the first time Danny caught a fish. It was on a family camping trip. We went out in the canoe. I taught him how to hook the worm and cast his fishing line. He was sitting there for about two minutes and a fish bit the worm. He caught his first fish faster than I’ve ever caught a fish. He was always lucky with little things like that. I was proud of him and the grin on his face was priceless.

Over my time in Michigan I have come to accept the loss of Danny. I know he is in a better place. My parents are glad I came, they told me I sound like a different person when I talked to them on the phone the other night.

I’ve realized that if we wait until we’re ready we’ll be waiting the rest of our lives. That’s why I talked to Olivia before she left for her flight. I just had to tell her I wanted to keep in touch and that I want to be more than just friends.  When I said that her face lit up. I am so thankful she felt the same way. Long distance isn’t easy, but I know that we can make it work. We’ve already planned a skype date when I get back to Maine.