Hello Michigan. It’s a cool place I guess, but I don’t really feel like I belong here. My sister Tanya somehow talked me into coming here.  A month ago my ex-boyfriend Peter broke up with me and I’ve kind of been in a bad place. But, I don’t really feel like talking about it with people here yet. I still feel so hurt by the situation. It was just so sudden and unexpected after dating for five months. Tanya has been worried about me and I just didn’t really want her to worry about me anymore. It sounded like it would be nice to escape Illinois for a little while and come here, but I don’t know if I’m going to get along with all these people.

My roommate Olivia seems cool, but she is happy all the time, and it’s kind of annoying. The whole group seems to be pretty happy to be here, maybe there is something wrong with me. I know I have issues I need to work on and maybe Tanya is right, maybe this will help. I guess I’ve never been to Michigan before so I should give it a chance and I should give all these people a chance.

We had a “get to know our roommate time” and Olivia and I went for a walk. At first I was like, NO WAY. But, I knew I had to do it. She ended up talking first and told me how she really feels inside and I was in shock. She told me she has loved growing up with her grandparents, but there is a part of her that really misses her parents. She feels guilty for being here and not at home after finding out her grandma has cancer.

Then I told Olivia about Peter. I told her how after he broke up with me the tears just wouldn’t stop falling and I couldn’t tell you why. I just felt so broken inside, more broken than ever before. I just couldn’t understand why it had to hurt so badly. I didn’t do anything wrong. He was the one who broke up with me. Why couldn’t he feel the pain? Why did I have to feel it? I would rather feel nothing. It hurt so bad that I wish I had never even meet him.

After telling her that and saying it out loud, I realized how much hate I have towards him. Olivia told me to not let the pain make me hate so much. She said to not let my bitterness towards him, steal my happiness. She said that it’s really important that I work to forgive him, so that I can move on.

I find myself happy and sad at the same time these past few days, and I just don’t understand why. I feel like I’m moving on, but I want to go back, back to when I was happy with him, with Peter. I just can’t seem to let go of my past. It seems impossible to forget how much he meant to me. It would be nice if there was a switch to turn off my feelings for him, but that’s not how life works.

I’m working to realize we had good times together, but they are in the past and sometimes people aren’t meant to be in your life forever. I’m trying to look on the positive side (which is abnormal for me) and know that I’ve learned a lot from my relationship with him. So even though it didn’t last with Peter, I will find someone who is  better for me in the future.

Now that the summer is over, I feel like I’m a different person. It’s like I made it through a storm that I thought was never going to end. But, I’m better for it. I’ve grown into a person I’m happy to be. And I can see that I have so many opportunities to look forward to in my future. When I get home I’m really going to take the time to thank Tanya. She was right to send me here and I don’t know where I would be without her help.

Exploring Michigan has also made me want to travel more. My sister told me about an internship in New York working for a fashion company. I think I’m going to apply for next summer.